We live in a world with a scarcity mindset problem. Let me explain… Everywhere we look, the messages we receive is we need to be, have, do more to be enough in some way. Advertisements, media, in relationships, in our heads- we hear this message more=enough. This mindset is where that negative hypercritical voice lives in our heads by the way. The critic wants to point out how we are not enough and when we are in this mindset, somehow, we think we are helping ourselves. Like if I look at what I am missing, I will find a way to fill in the gap and succeed. But in reality, that is rarely the case. More often than not, we get consumed with overthinking the problem, looking at all the risks and procrastinating on taking any action for fear of what may occur (all based on the information given to us from this critical voice).
When we are stuck in that critical mindset, we have a hard time acting on much of anything because we are full of insecurity and doubt. Because If I am missing some key component, I won’t be able to succeed. The reality though is that this critic is wrong! I will say that again. THE CRITIC IS WRONG!! We have everything we need to be successful today but since we are taught to listen to that scarcity mindset, we miss the abundance surrounding us. We miss the strengths we have to accomplish the goal. We miss the resources we can develop or the creativity we can use to succeed. We miss how we have already succeeded in many ways in our lives and what we have within to continue that success.
What do we do then, you might be asking yourself? Instead, I ask you to listen to that compassionate, thoughtful, curious, creative portion of you that can recognize your gifts, your skills, your successes and hold that voice as the reality you live by each day. Because, guess what, the successes you have already achieved are facts where that critical voice is just a mindset holding you back. We have a second voice inside, our internal nurturer, and that part of us serves to provide self-compassion, confidence and encouragement with whatever task, obstacle or goal we are facing right now. This second voice tends to be quieted due to the inner critic being on hyperdrive pointing out the problems.
You might also wonder, if this second voice can help me so much, how do I strengthen that voice and quiet the critic? I do believe it is of vital importance to find new ways to restrain the critic (and strengthen the nurturer) since many times these doubts are contributing to your inaction! Below are some key ways to begin quieting that critical voice and begin strengthening that nurturing voice:
- First- observe how the critical thinking plays out in your mind: are you minimizing your experiences? Diminishing your accomplishments?
- Build awareness of feelings and voice behind the critic: Is your feeling higher than appropriate for the situation? Is it your voice that criticizes you or someone from your past that is coming up today?
- Learn how to turn to your inner nurturer when the critic is on overload. The nurturer is your source of strength, confidence and resilience. Ask yourself what you need more of right now (instead of criticism)?
- Argue against the critic- number of ways to do this and coaching is an avenue to overcome for certain.
When you being to practice this way of thinking and managing those internal aspects of yourself, you will be able to hear the critic (which is helpful to a certain extent) and the nurturer to help you respond well to whatever situation you are facing today. I am here to help too if you find yourself stuck in this process- just reach out!